"So now you know the reasons"


Hello blog (I seriously don't know why I blog, no one reads this space but everyone needs some form of catharsis so here goes!)

My feelings and emotions are somewhat messy right now, it's hard even to gather my thoughts to do a decent blogpost.

Ok, so my life's been revolving around crashed hopes and malfunctioned plans. Really hate the way I sound so melancholic but everyone has phases? Images, looks, weight, clothes, shoes, there's more to life than that, I know it. So does everyone else, but look what we major in, who am I to judge people though. My mum's always telling me to 'fight the battles worth fighting.' I used to think what the hell but it really makes sense. Then again there're always two sides to everything, perpetual thoughts of the future dampens the present so I guess that's something to think about.

Anyway, I don't understand why people challenge against themselves for perfection, when perfection was already there since they started.

I really need to find some place and time to really sit down and sort myself out. I feel so, unlike the way I should be; I am a hypocrite. Thinking back, I look at myself in sec one. I would never have thought I'd end up this way. Honestly I'd probably hate myself if I knew myself, no, when I was my sec one self. All this comparison, ideally everything could just switch back to how they were. I can't say I hate my life now, but I hate what it's become. Changing; it's easy to say but not something instantaneous, like bang, and I'm back to who I was. Everyone's still themselves somewhere inside, I need to discover myself again.

Then again, maybe that feeling of loneliness and dejection never was meant to be a part of us anyway. Perhaps behind the facade of it all; behind all each person's outward appearances and barriers of mental and physical strength, lies something more fragile than the most brittle of things. That little formless wad of thingamajig gently beating in all of us seems all so far away now. All so far away.